Posts Tagged ‘humor’

I’m Such a Racist

I’m such a racist,

I don’t like yellow apples,

Blonde hair,

Or blue balls.

Actually, the blonde hair is quite alright,

And yellow apples don’t always taste terrible…

– Shammy 3/19/12


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It was about twelve in the afternoon in London. I could smell the faint scent of sweat lingering on the clothes of people that strolled by. It was one of those lazy days where the air is humid and musty. The stores on Knightsbridge were crammed with tourists and pedestrians clustered around the fancy tea shops trying to decide which shop had the nicest décor. It all looked very prim and proper to me. I walked down the stairs and tapped my Oyster card on the pad. There was a woman sat directly across from me on the tube. At one point our eyes linked together. She was in her late twenties maybe even very early thirties. She had short reddish, brown hair and dark circles under her eyes. When she looked at me she pursued her already skinny lips till she looked like she was just squeezing the skin from both sides of her lips into her small but vile mouth. She looked at me with beady little eyes under her light bangs. Being from New York, I naturally started back and waited for her to look away, but much to my surprise she didn’t look away; she glared back harder. She continued to suck the skin from her face into her mouth and her eyes grew darker as they descended deeper into their sockets. Her unkempt eyebrows drew in and covered her beady little eyes with another layer of disgusting shadow. I started back still, noticing big red pores on her pale white skin. And then all at once I felt it; it crept up to me like a chill during sex starting first from my breast and going down till I couldn’t bare it anymore. The urge to laugh out loud in that woman’s face. I turned my eyes and a soft smile adorned my face. I wanted to say, “I think you’re really beautiful.” -Shammy

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