Posts Tagged ‘long-distance relationships’

All I asked you for was time.

I told you I didn’t need the expensive gifts,

Or the paid vacations.

I didn’t need what every other girl wants.

There’s others that offered me the world,

But I didn’t want it without you,

Nothing was more valuable to me than you.

All I ever wanted was your time

And you gave it all away to her instead.

– Shammy 6/27/12 5:00pm

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Everyone in the whole world told me not to do long-distance,

And I told them they didn’t know you.

Turns out, neither did I!

– Shammy 6/25/12 3:03am

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You are half way around the world again.

And just like that you were gone.

There was that familiar emptiness sinking in,

The reality of my life,

The utter confusion and chaos that seems to define me now.

It was a nice holiday we took to Sunnyside,

I worried and worried and worried,

But you smiled and did what you do best.

Now you’re gone, and with you

Is the comfort I crave.

– Shammy 5/27/12

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You call me with measured time.

The words I saved up all day for you,

I shove them back down my throat.

Its a lie. The smile,

Rehearsed.

 

The conversations we could have had floating in my head.

There’s a lump now, in my heart.

It gets bigger each day we spend like this.

I didn’t ask for much,

Just time.

But, I guess everything has its time.

 

Where did ours go?

Ten months later, I still feel like a stranger,

In someone else’s shoes,

Walking a path that wasn’t meant for me.

 

You’re so beautiful.

What was it like before,

When there was romance.

You said I was too passionate,

Have I used it all up then?

I don’t feel it anymore.

 

I just see the end,

The end of a conversation,

The end of your patience,

Of your love, your commitment.

-Shammy 5/7/12 11:29pm

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I’m sitting in Union Square with my sister looking up at the clock constantly changing. I told you it was the national debt, but that was just a rumor. It’s actually just the countdown to and from midnight. From the left it reads the time since midnight, and from the right it reads the time till midnight. It looks complicated when you first see it because the numbers all together don’t make any sense at all, but once you break them up and see them as apart from the whole I guess you can understand them and then piece them together. It’s funny how the mind works that way, seeing things in wholes. I don’t see it that way, I just see holes in the big picture and it doesn’t seem to fit together in the end. It fucks with my head. If I could find the missing pieces, well I’d put them back so we could be perfect again but they aren’t within my reach.

There’s a dance group in front of us. With their tiny stereo they play a strange mix of music. I can’t quite make out what it is, but its urging me to relax and breathe deeply. There were two groups of two dancing in the square. They twisted and turned fitting in steps of salsa and swing all together. Now there is about ten. They come and go as they please performing carefree dance numbers with their partners. Some break out in dance, one couple in the corner seems to be doing a waltz, while others around them are poised with their arms tightened and heels raised in a fast salsa step. Most of them just stopped here on their way to somewhere else.

It’s a busy place, Union Square. Some came by to meet a friend or sit on a bench to rest their feet, others stopped for a cigarette while the more daring stopped and had a dance. See, now this deserves a clap and a shout I think, but equally the smiling eyes of their audience must be appreciation enough.

There’s something romantic about it all, dancing for the sake of dancing on the pavement on a hot summer night, while people gather to enjoy the free show. It’s just beats they are dancing to, no vocals, just random universal beats. Its chaos fit perfectly together creating a moment so true that you can’t help but let the weight go from under your breath. I can see it on the faces of people sitting beside me, the feeling of satisfaction and just being. It’s so unfamiliar to me. With every breath I let out I get a clear piece of mind back, but when I go to breath again my heart aches and the shine from my eyes grow dull.

Why is it that even in a relationship, I feel like the single most loneliest person on earth? – Shammy 5/31/12 8:50pm

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I’m dead to myself now.

You asked me to promise you one thing,

That I will take care of myself.

How can I?

I’m dead to me.

.

I had so many dreams.

I wanted to run off with you,

Live a life abroad,

Discovering things,

Experiencing them,

With you.

That’s what it was, a dream.

How can someone like me ever hope to find a place in the heart of someone like you?

You, who is so perfect.

You don’t even know it.

Perhaps that’s part of the charm.

.

How can I love you?

What can I offer you, when I have nothing left?

I don’t know how to fight this.

One step at a time, you said.

But how can I?

My limbs won’t go.

I can feel it, always walking in place.

I’ve walked miles and miles but I’m not any closer.

“What am I gonna do with you,” you say. “What am I gonna do?”

– Shammy 3/12/12 3:38am

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I would rather be lonely alone, than with you.

It’s the worst feeling in the world,

Having someone who isn’t really there.

– Shammy 2/11/12 1:12am

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